Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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