I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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