smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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