Kiss
Puke
I skipped work to stalk him.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
