Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
