She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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