I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
