hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Fuck appropriateness.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
