At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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