Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
