I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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