When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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