I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
