capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
