Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
