So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
