Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
