Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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