Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Randomize
