have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
