A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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