U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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