yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
