yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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