Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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