your parents love me but you hate me
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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