im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
