so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
is that a dick in a sweater?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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