ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
