apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
