Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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