Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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