I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Randomize
