i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
