Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
