my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
