also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
