I'm really into asian looking animals
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
