A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Randomize
