U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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