I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
