My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
