Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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