I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Dear god my vagina.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
