and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
