It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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