bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
