eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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