I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
