I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
