So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I queefed so loud it echoed.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
